Mr. and Mrs. Average Joe: Ask Joe & Elaine

Joe and Elaine love to chat about sex, fantasies and spirituality. They also love quirky music, bad sci-fi movies, and just try stumping them at James Bond trivia. Send them a message or question in the comment box below!

From Life's Too Short:

“How’s the research going, Elaine?” John asked as we sat down to share this great pizza. “Mika’s not telling me much.”
“It’s been interesting, for sure,” Elaine replied, pausing for a big bite. “I’ve been looking into the health benefits of orgasms,” she continued. “Mika’s been studying the more psychological aspects. How do you explain that?” She looked at Mika, who began pondering the question.
“Okay, well, we know the most important sex organ is the mind, right?” Mika inquired, looking around at each of us. “Thoughts, fantasies, all these things that get us aroused, all start here,” she said, pointing at her temple. “But, we’re trying to connect it to orgasms. What is it up here that helps us climax? It’s different for everyone.” She paused to enjoy lunch.
“Okay, here’s what I’ve been thinking about that,” Elaine chimed in. “Last time we were together, you couldn’t come. Not right away, I mean. But, you saw what happened for me and Mr. Big Shot over here,” she said, smiling at John. “I can’t explain it but it worked for both of us, didn’t it?” He smiled back with no answer required.
“Whenever you do that to me, you never have a problem coming,” I said to Elaine. “I’m not sure you realize that.” She looked at me as if trying to recall a time she hadn’t.
“So, that’s your trigger, honey,” Mika told her. “You’re an exhibitionist. We all know that. That’s your psychological turn-on.”
“And, I think yours is when you put on one of your little, black leather outfits and spank or drip hot wax on one of us, especially me. Mika, you’re on fire when that happens and you know it!” Elaine gestured to prove her point. Mika did have to agree and gave her a hesitant nod. We all enjoyed the delectable pizza for a minute in silence.
“I get what you’re saying about turn-ons and our minds being the most important sex organ, but what about the physical issues people have?” John asked. “For example, Joe and I rely on the little blue pills to help us perform but they don’t give us an orgasm. It’s still up here,” he said, now pointing to his head. “We still need that mental stimulation.”
“Yeah, well, we all know what sets you guys off. Up here, I mean,” Mika told us. “Elaine and I just need to kiss and you two are toast! Come on, face it.” She gave us a serious look. We had no case against that and she knew it.
“Well, I’ve discovered some very interesting things about the health benefits of an active sex life, especially as we get older,” Elaine said. “Like, did you know that having three orgasms a week cuts the risk of heart disease by fifty percent?”
“To healthy hearts,” John announced, raising his can of Diet Coke for a mock toast.
Elaine smiled at him. “And, apparently, having an orgasm is one of the best cures for migraines,” she added with a nod. John turned and gave me a wink.
“Oh, my head,” he kidded, squinting at Elaine in mock pain. “I think I need to lie down.”
“Nice try, honey,” Mika told him with a giggle. He just shrugged.
“So, you’re saying orgasms keep us healthy but our minds really hold the key,” John stated, looking at our wives.
“Yeah, something like that,” Elaine replied as Mika nodded in agreement.
“Are you going to share what turns you on when you write this?” I asked. “Doing it in front of a window? Sexy little ‘Dom’ with your riding crop?” I jokingly inquired, looking at each in turn.
“I don’t think so, honey,” Mika laughed back. “Really, I think we’ll focus on the importance of sex and intimacy in the big picture, as part of a healthy, balanced life. Being willing to communicate and, if need be, open minded to trying new things. Does that make sense?”
“Perfectly,” I told her, realizing once again there was nothing the four of us couldn’t discuss.

Mr. and Mrs. Average Joe

Pages

Ask Joe & Elaine

1 comment: